you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
