Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
