Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
