Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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