A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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