Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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