All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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