Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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