I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
