I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
