You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
