I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like the plague
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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