Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
