you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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