my sisters under your porch take her home
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
