You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
