fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
