mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
