I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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