No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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