do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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