Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
