So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
