I just cut my nipple shaving
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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