dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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