I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
