All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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