whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
