weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
