It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
