I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
