the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His nipple licking is glorious
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