Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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