I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
