The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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