Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
