my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
