all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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