come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
