Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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