I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
