my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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