plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize