the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
