I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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