I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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