So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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