I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
