Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
