My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize