Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
