I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
