Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
