apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
