and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
