so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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