I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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